Fail

Posted on by meltingneurons

Sometimes you crumble instead of finding that strength to go on.

We aren’t all heroes.

This isn’t a movie of achievement and success.

Loved ones are hurt.

Blessings aren’t counted.

Actions come like riding a bike after years away.

All of it slides across you and at some point it’s pitiful weakness that lets you down.

The weight proves too great.

You’ve burnt out.

Hope is the most dangerous thing.

It promises more…

But maybe this is who you are.

The Almost.

So close to winning – that you have to fail.

Apologies will be made.

But “sorry” is as empty to the ears of others as much as it is empty to you.

You wanted so much more.

But it’s the head games you play with yourself that destroy you time and time again.

It’s just the way it is.

Just the way it is.

The way it is.

 

 

 

 

 

Elegantly Disturbed Haikus – #1

Posted on by meltingneurons

wearing an embryo,
would prefer a large flopping sombrero,
small skin means tight fit.

bedazzled rodents fly,
as shockingly agile bullets,
spreading feet like wings.

plastic horror show,
melts to a puddle of goop,
Barbie versus torch.

 

Green Hair Angel

Posted on by meltingneurons

Spoken word is coming shortly…if you haven’t seen it, I’d really love to hear some of your own work…take a look at the Studio34 for the listing if you don’t see it a post or two down. Cheers!

 img_0515

She told me in a voice that wants for something more,

“I’m stuck with you and you with me,

But I don’t want to be stuck,

I just want to be happy.”
Simple words of wisdom,

Drop out the only mouth from which I tend to listed.

All around life is in tatters again,

It’s a battle of just going and going,

Churning up the ground as I try for traction.
People ask if I even know what I want,

It would be easier to drop my head in the sand,

No one wants to be confronted by the fact,

That survival doesn’t constitute a plan.
No goals

Just obligations.

Another sick hollow spot,

Self-indulgent in wasted life,

A never ending emotionless vacation.
The idea of walking a road with no end in sight,

Sounded so peaceful when I was younger.

I can’t be old enough to be this tired,

Those thoughts drag my feet,

Mired in mud six feet deep.
When you’re bound to the pipes,

The needles, the bottles, the pinners, the caps, the strips, the tabs and the doses,

The misery never knowing, always moving,

Chaotic insecurity, discomfort and the fear –

It’s easy to lose yourself in the haze,

No rag can clean vision so glazed.
Occasionally you need a multi-colored head of hair to show you that there is still more to be had.

That whatever tomorrow brings,

It’s worth holding steadfast to belief in something better.

Even if you have to lean on each other to get there.
She told me in a voice that wants for something more,

“I’m stuck with you and you with me,

But I don’t want to be stuck,

I just want to be happy.”

Amp up until your pupils drool…

Posted on by meltingneurons

Long night, long day.

Screeching whistles from the bat winged harpies playing in the sun.

I swear I put a dog collar over the tree stump last week,

Wonder what happened to the dog?

I should probably go out and check,

But now it’s impossible to tell through all their beaks.

Should have embellished the points of each ear,

Small silver trellises of moonlight into nursery rhymed eyes.

C’est la vie,

I’ve got a lockjawed dedication that demands fevered lacerations,

And if they leave a few eggs on the ground for breakfast this evening –

-so much the better.

Katrina – Lost Daughter

Posted on by meltingneurons

(background info)

Katrina is the daughter of a young lady who was essentially my counterpart – plus breasts. Owing to some poorly relayed information and a protective need following the 6-year old girl’s admittance to counseling because she thought “that good guy (me) was going to die…” – left the mom backed into a corner. I was told never to call or contact her again, though I didn’t find this out until after writing and sending this as a letter.

Kat is the girl who moves with feline grace,

A Cheshire flashing grins all over the place.

Rina is the girl who thinks like a firecracker,

Sharp as a tack, brain to match, thought cracking master.

So when Kat disappears, lithe as a rope.

Her partner has time for mischief while both elope.

They’ll lay out their traps for mommy to find,

Materializing from thin air defying space and time.

And, occasionally mommy may crack a tooth,

To which she bellows, “Watch out, they’re on the loose!”

When their forces combine, surely a hurricane whistles,

Smashing and crashing like a runaway missile.

Theirs isn’t a rhythm, though they have a reason.

For they are a weather event with no established season.

Rain gummy bear gifts will the storm throughout Spring,

Summer has July 4th, so we know what that means.

Leaves Fall heavily into sacks until carefully deconstructed,

Then snow tries to trap them inside with all the strength it can muster.

Though their actions are sometimes bizarre,

Kat and Rina will surely go far.

For they are glowing beauties with insides to match,

The troubles they get in are because sometimes we all crash.

Mistakes can be made, and will eventually fade.

Everyone works to be better,

Life in reverse is all based on what you gave.

Still thinking of you kiddo…

 

*nearly a year later and still no contact.

Mania

Posted on by meltingneurons

There’s an intensity that leaves nothing but a vacuum behind it,

A bullet hole wasted emptiness drags into a crater shocked from hit after hit.

Temporal fracture points and blanketed waste lines,

Maddening shallowness where no sparks can be refined.

They’re just words put to words put to words,

Shredding thoughts until there’s no meaning left and the musicians are missing the chords.

Scream, whistle, shriek, whisper, mutter, babble,

Consume, read, absorb, listen, digest, dibble and dabble.

The air crackles with the clutter of a thousand ideas,

My brain is burning from a million needs demanding release.

Every nerve is a blasted land of agonizing pleasure I grovel and ask to relive,

I’m in love with the rage, the energy, the uncontrollable beauty of power it gives.

All the information is useless in the end.

What point when there isn’t a person to converse with I’d call friend.

You fucking people drive me crazy.

I make myself manic to the point I can’t move, comatose and lazy.

When thought is so painfully fiery that no more can be endured,

I lay back and pray that the end will crack the chains to which I’m moored.

Let my mind wander to the lights above and send my soul spinning,

Beyond the grasp of this inane insanity,

To something meaningful that wil­l make my heart beat for something more.